Out of curiosity, before you married him, did you ever sit down and talk with him and tell him you expected him to cut off romantic relationships with other women as part of your marriage agreement? Did you ever sit down and explain you expected honesty from him?
Be aware, this isn’t blaming you in any way, merely pointing out he may not have viewed either as a requirement for your marriage. There are plenty of families that hold it’s “normal” for the man to cheat and to lie about it.
I’m guessing not, as it sounds like you rushed into the marriage.
Before I married my partner, we had that discussion. And we actually came to an agreement. Either of us could sleep with whomever we liked, but there were three rules:
- We had to give the other person a chance to join in, and the other person has the right to veto someone they don’t like.
- We had to be completely open and honest about it.
- If we screwed up on rule 1, they have to get tested, abstain from sex for a month, then get tested again (to prevent any risk of infecting partner with STDs).
As a result, there is no cheating in our relationship. (We’ve agreed dishonesty is a far worse crime than having sex, and that dishonesty *is* grounds for breaking up.)
My suggestion for you, if you’re still in that relationship, if you choose to continue it, instead of being left out, confront him… not on cheating, but on why he never thought to ask you to join and let you enjoy a threesome. You’ll quickly go from being his ignored ‘wife on the side' to being the ‘best wife ever’. Further, it’ll let you learn what’s catching his fancy and up your game while also be sure he’s not bringing in any STDs.
